I write this as a testimony in hopes that in these words you find some solace.
I am sitting at my desk in my studio gazing out the window. hypnotized by the beautiful shade of green that showers the trail behind where I live.
This is week seven since the shelter in place orders were ordered here in Washington State. The days seem to go slow and fast at the same time.
Hard to put words to what feels like a daze that lends moments of clarity from time to time.
My sleep patterns have been interesting and it seems that many of us are experiencing our cycles of rest thrown off.
I wake each day between 3:15 am and 4:00 am. There have been a few nights when I did sleep through the whole night but they have been very far and few. It as if the cycles of feelings fluctuate in those early morning waking hours.
Some mornings upon waking at what some call "the witching hour" , I feel intense sadness in my heart and tears follow. Other times it is feelings of anxiousness and sometimes there are no feelings at all.
I am blessed to work from home and still have a regular income. My work. most of the time, allows me the flexibility to nap. Each day when I nap, the sleep is so deep and intense as if my soul has traveled to lands far away and returns with a knowing that my brain can not decipher.
I share this not to offer solutions or a cure to fix this because I am not quite sure there is a fix to this.
I believe that as spiritual beings in these human bodies we are being opened raw from the multitude of pandemics that are occurring globally. The massive death on a multitude of levels is what seeps into our subconscious and wakes us in the hours that are considered when the veil to the Spirit World is most thin.
It is ,in part, a collective spiritual response.
Does it suck to wake up at 3 am and not be able to go back to sleep?
This is no love & light caca that I am speaking.
And there are real fears and anxiety that prevent our body and soul from resting. So in no way am I denying that or trying to bypass any of the intense real feelings that many of us are experiencing.
Rather, I am sitting in reflection and asking ... what could this all mean? What are the threads of that connect us and call us to wake in the witching hour?
What is a collective spiritual response and how may we harness the miracle of connection as a collective to honor our earth, our humanity and make change.
Is this possible?
I do not have the answers but I can't help to feel that there is something in the cosmic collective that is being offered.
In the meantime I ride it out.
Nothing more I can do.
I tend to my sleeping space.
Rub on lavender oil.
Put on sound bath music .
And drift off ...